Post by @pple on Jul 30, 2012 13:52:19 GMT -5
It was one of worst leafbares I ever seen in my life. Countless seasons I have lived, I never faced so many deaths in one season. Not a war, not a battle, not a fight. A long time ago, before flying, jumping cats left…
A long-haired dark brown tabby tom was sleeping soundly in his den. A couple of bramble bushes surrounded him, their stubby branches poking in his thick pelt. The sun was barely up.
“Ratstar!”
The yowl woke the tabby tom up. A pair of light golden eyes opened wide. The yowl startled him awake. He stood up suddenly, ruffling down his fur with his tail. “Icesnake?”
The white warrior rushed in the den, panting heavily, his blue eyes wide with fear. “It is…Goldensnow.”
Icesnake had no time to move so the leader can come outside. The leader pushed him aside, jumping across a pair of broken logs as he scrambled through a band of chattering apprentices. They were excited about morning patrol, but the long-haired tabby had no care in the whole world. He almost tripped over his medicine cat, Bearnose.
“Fox-“
Bearnose shut his mouth as he saw who it was. His eyes did not change at all when he saw Ratstar. The leader stared at him, stuttering, “So- Wha- Goldensnow?” The tabby leader took a nervous peek in the queens’ den. Bearnose rolled his eyes at him and snorted.
“What’s wrong with Goldensnow? Is she ok?” The leader found his voice again.
“Go inside and see for yourself,” the medicine cat said, matter-as-a-fact and walked away. Ratstar was left standing helplessly. His eyes trailed inside the queens’ den, searching for a golden tabby body. A few mouse lengths away, he found her.
Goldensnow.
A stone dagger stabbed him in his heart. Her sweet scent flew in his nostrils, but there was something underneath.
He went inside.
Goldensnow did not look up and greet Ratstar when he entered the den. The golden tabby queen looked down at her belly, her blue eyes full of tears. There were no words. Ratstar already knew.
“Goldensnow…”
The queen did not reply. Just kept looking at her belly. Ratstar did not say anything else. If he said something to his mate, she will only cry more. It was in his best interests to keep quiet. A few minutes passed until the queen lifted her head. Ratstar took a deep breath and sighed softly at her golden beauty.
Her eyes were the color of deepest blue waters. Same color as the river in RiverClan. The white stripes were lovely on her dark golden pelt. A white patch was all over her right eye and right ear. That was why Ratstar loved her. Goldensnow was ShadowClan’s most beautiful warrior. They were friends since they were kits. They grew up falling in love with each other…
“The kits…” She whimpered, trying to hold tears back in. It was too difficult now. Her blue eyes watered. “I am so sorry.” Her head dropped down, her paws hiding her face. Ratstar moved closer to her and froze when Goldensnow whimpered, “I was so happy. So excited.” She lifted her head again, “I can’t do this anymore.” She sniffed as she rolled over, letting her belly being seen. So the whole world can see what were there.
Three tiny golden bundles lay there, motionless, dead. “This was my fifth time.” She shook her head, crying now, “Just…leave me alone.”
Ratstar did not listen. He dove in, wrapping his arms around Goldensnow’s body. To calm her. To make her feel better, but the leader knew. Nothing will heal the golden tabby’s broken heart. He felt sad too, felt guilty for making her going through this. He was the dead kits’ father. A second later, tears came out of his eyes, sharing his grief with his love.
Soon, Goldensnow looked up and told him, “I am dying.”
“What?” Ratstar whispered.
~*~*~
That was what Ratstar remember. His beautiful, golden mate passed away those three seasons ago. The medicine cat, Bearnose, did not know what was wrong with the leader’s mate. It was a mysterious illness, but Bearnose thought it was her inability to bear kits that left her weak.
Sighing, the dark tabby tom closed his eyes. Sleep was a gift he lost recently. Unable to dream in peace, nightmares filled his sleeping world. The leader was afraid that this would continue until he would die from lack of sleep. Bearnose brought him news that he would lead a long life.
Ratstar gave no mousedung about his life anymore. He just wanted to close his eyes and leave his body to join the ranks of StarClan. His heart yearned the golden feline, but he resisted. As always, it hurt.
A long life? Ratstar knew that StarClan would keep him live that long because he still had his nine lives. He faced death himself twice in seven seasons he had led. Once, he contracted greencough. The second time, he almost bled to death from the wound in his throat. Now, there was barely a scar on his throat. No cat would be able to detect it.
The ShadowClan leader wondered what would happen if a leader got too old, it did not lose one of its lives. Would the leader die of old age, losing all of his nine lives at once? That was a question he would like to be answered.
Busily wondering, a cat entered his den without any permission. It was Icesnake, one of his finest warriors. The leader was a bit jealous of the white warrior since he was a father of three litters. Shyrose was his mate. She certainly lived up to her name. Timid and eerily silent in nature, Ratstar did not know how Icesnake, the boldest and outspoken warrior, ever fell for her.
Opposite must attract each other, right? Ratstar shook his head. Goldensnow had always been there on his side, as if they were conjured at birth. They grew up together, from two warm-hearted queens in the den. As they grew of age, they trained together as apprentices.
Ratstar swore that once he was able to open his eyes for the very first time in the world, he fell in love for the beautiful golden she-cat. Icesnake shook his head, as he was not sure if he was supposed to bother his leader at the moment. “My apologies, Ratstar,” he began, being polite.
“No, no, don’t apologize. I need some distraction,” Ratstar answered, his voice surprisingly cracked. It was a grieving sound. He was still mourning for the love he lost. Icesnake felt pity for his leader. His leader was very young, still in his early forty moons. The white warrior could not imagine losing his Shyrose. It was bad luck to lose someone at a young age.
This must be a conspiracy of Dark Forest. “You have a newcomer. She is in the clearing and she wants to see you.”
A newcomer? ShadowClan did not have new cats in the clan for many moons. Ratstar wondered who it could be. Staggering to his paws, he followed Icesnake out of his den.
The leader found no need to walk across the clearing. A white furred with gray spots she-cat elegantly walked toward Ratstar and gave him a light dip of her head. Ratstar could not help, but to absorb the lovely details of the newcomer. This feline did not come from one of any clans, though the she-cat had a slim body of a WindClan warrior. Paws tiny like a newborn kit, long legs were the ones that covered the vulnerable aspect of her paws’ outline. Gray spots across her snow pelt remind Ratstar of snow leopards.
Snow leopards had blue eyes, but the stranger’s eyes were a peculiarity. Delicately light gray orbs glazed into Ratstar’s. This cat carried self confidence of a loner, but underneath the bold gaze inside her eyes, Ratstar knew not to underestimate this feline.
“I came here to speak with you, Ratstar,” the spotted she-cat spoke. It sent shivers down his spine. Soft and slightly accented, it showed her true colors. Though, Ratstar did not know what they were yet. Yet? Did he know that this cat would stay? Probably.
His ears flicked at the sound of his name. It did not surprise him that she knew his name. Warriors growled his name all the time even if they were invaded by the enemy. Fools, Ratstar thought. They should be mysterious as possible, but it was no use.
However, he was impressed that this cat was a well observant. His warriors lacked this quality lately. Sighing, he beckoned his head toward Icesnake, “Don’t bother with the guards. This she-cat is harmless.” The tone inside his voice was stern enough to let the newcomer know he did not want any fight.
Icesnake sent him an icy glare, but Ratstar only ditched him with other warriors. Falling back to their normal positions, Ratstar looked at the newcomer. “Follow me.”
No words being exchanged, the newcomer quickly followed after him. As they entered Ratstar’s den, the leader slumped down in his warm nest. “Feel free to sit down, if you like.” He eyed the bare ground.
“No, thank you,” the newcomer stated, her eyes taking across the den. Ratstar did not need to follow her glances. He knew very well what his den looked like.
The den was big enough for three cats to sleep in. Bramble twigs, crackled leaves, ferns, and evergreen needles were formed into a half globe-sized nest. The roof was enclosed with the welcoming arms of residing holly bushes. Berries were not blossoming yet. But they will in greenleaf. A dead tree log was created as walls of his den. They were renewed every season by the apprentices. Elders would complain at the noises apprentices would make from removing the marks of dead tree chips. Chuckling at the thought, he did not mind the noise. They were the only thing that remind him of how his clan was thriving well.
The newcomer’s eyes narrowed at the sound of Ratstar’s chuckle. “I would like to join your clan, Ratstar.”
Ratstar did not look away from the newcomer. He asked her the question, “Why?”
“I want to be a warrior,” she only replied.
Usually, Ratstar would decline the offer. However, there was something about this newcomer that caught his eye. He wanted to take her in his clan, but his mind was conflicted by thoughts of his ancestors. ShadowClan was not a clan that would take loners and rogues in. That was ThunderClan’s dirty job.
ShadowClan was doing really well this newleaf. Two litters were born last moon, one by Dragontail and another by Fernheart. Eight healthy kittens would become ShadowClan’s strongest warriors. Ratstar had seen to that. Plus, there were a lot of young warriors right now.
If he declined her offer, his clan would not be affected by this decision. They did not need a loner to taint the pure blood that raved throughout ShadowClan for countless moons. Thoughts spinning madly through his head, Ratstar solemnly nodded, “You may.”
He paused as he asked another question, “What’s your name?”
“I have no name, but I call myself Leaf.”
Leaf? Ratstar nodded quietly, “It is a pleasure to meet you, Leaf. Come with me.” He stood up on his paws as he led her out of his den. He paused a few feet away from his den. Letting his powerful head bowing toward the sky, he let out a loud roar. “ShadowClan cats, let us gather together for a Clan meeting!”
Cats stopped moving everywhere. Their heads turned toward him, eyes wide and ears ready to listen. This miraculous action always amazed Ratstar, but he got used to this authority. He eyed Leaf and told the whole clan, “We have a newcomer. Her name is Leaf. She will live with us.”
Leaf bowed her head toward others. Ratstar looked down at Leaf and told her firmly, “Until the day you earn your warrior name, your name is no longer Leaf, but Leafpaw.”
He touched noses with her as in the warriors’ tradition. He stepped back as the whole clan was cheering. Not one of them declined this honor. Icesnake, the white warrior, whose seemed to dislike Leaf at first joined the loud mews and cheers.
Ratstar had to smile. This was the first time in three long seasons since his beloved’s death.
~*~*~
“Yes!” Ratstar quietly whispered as he watched Leafpaw catching a distracted squirrel on one of low branches of an evergreen tree.
Two moons had passed and Leafpaw had done well. Ratstar had a fair share of apprentices that he mentored before he became a deputy. Moons of not being a mentor, he decided to take Leafpaw up as his official apprentice. Many apprentices inside the clan were mighty jealous.
It was awkward at first since Leafpaw was a full grown she-cat. She was twice bigger than other tiny, scrawny apprentices that she shared the den with. It was odd to find an adult cat sleeping in the den with younger cats, but it was nice too. With Leafpaw’s experience as a loner, she was able to influence the younger cats how to deal with patience. The past life as a loner did not betray her.
She was an excellent huntress. An expert at hunting, Ratstar did not need to teach her any ShadowClan hunting skills. Her delicate eyes were sharp and perfect for tracking prey in dark.
Aside from hunting, Leafpaw was too good at fighting. Her fighting moves made her hunting talent tame.
She even beat Icesnake in one of training evenings. The white warrior was highly impressed with her moves he even asked her to teach him. Ratstar was very proud of Leafpaw for being a positive addition to the clan.
“You caught it!” Ratstar complimented Leafpaw. Leafpaw looked up, a bit startled by his approach. It was proper of her to be shocked because he was not supposed to be here. But he found himself not able to stay away from his apprentice. He had to check on her. Otherwise, he knew that he had to make her a warrior now.
“You are ready to become a warrior now,” Ratstar smiled calmly. “Let’s go back to camp.”
She did not say anything, but to send a silent prayer to StarClan as she picked up the dead squirrel with her jaws.
As they returned, the camp was full. All warriors were sharing tongues. Ratstar guessed that all patrols just came back. This was a perfect time for a warrior’s ceremony. As he neared his den with Leafpaw, he yowled for everyone’s attention.
In less than a second, they were ready to listen. Silent as a deadly snake, the crowd seemed to know what was going on. He looked at the sky as he called, “I, Ratstar, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down upon this apprentice. She has trained hard to understand the ways of your noble code, and I command her to you as a warrior in her turn.”
He glanced down at his apprentice, “Leafpaw, do you promise to uphold the warrior code and defend this clan, even at the cost of your life?”
“I do,” Leafpaw said without any hesitance.
“Then by the powers of StarClan, I give you your warrior name. Leafpaw, from now on, you will be known as Leafberry. ShadowClan welcomes you as a full warrior.”
Ratstar touched her forehead and stepped back. “Congratulations,” he whispered so Leafberry could only hear him.
As Leafberry smiled for the very first time since she arrived here two moons ago, the whole clan whooped and cheered loudly for her behind her. Warriors came to her side, purring and chanting endlessly.
The elders let out a loud mrrw of amusement. “They treats her as if she was their heroine.”
A few apprentices giggled, “Yes, she is!”
Ratstar was satisfied. Now, it was his turn to rest. Before he could do that, he called after Leafberry, “Don’t forget your vigil!”
She called back, “I won’t. Now you mention that, I will begin now.”
Trotting to the entrance, she had to smile at the young kits that dashed after her. They stared at her with admiring eyes. With a tender heart, Leafberry looked at their mothers who were approaching now. The queens were embarrassed, apologizing to Leafberry for their kits bothering her. Leafberry could only shake her head to show them that she did not mind.
Kits scrambled away from Leafberry, their tails drooping on the ground in disappointment. Leafberry always played with them whenever she had free time from her warrior training. She was great with kits, which showed that she could be a great mother one day.
Everything about Leafberry reminded Ratstar of the golden beauty he fell in love with once he was kitted. He remembered that when Goldensnow finished her fighting training for the day, she would chatter excitedly as she came home. Once kits heard her pawsteps, they stopped playing with each other as they purred loudly as they ran toward her presence. Even Goldensnow was an apprentice at the time, she gladly took care of the kits while their mothers were away, taking a fresh stretch into the woods for a while.
While the queens complained about taking care of their kits, Goldensnow never whined. Always, she would come at every birth, celebrating with the new mother. She was not a motherly type, but she had a fierce desire to protect the youngsters from any danger. Not strict and cruel, she knew how to make a kit giggle and laugh in less than a second. If any kit cry, she would sweep in and make the kit’s day the best.
Shaking his head, Ratstar watched as the kits ran closer to their mothers back to the den. As he looked back at Leafberry, he did not expect to see her smiling at him. This shook him deeply as this look on Leafberry’s face was the exactly as Goldensnow’s. Blinking, he looked away.
Ratstar walked back to his den. Settling down, he let out a deep sigh. Before he close his eyes, he sent a silent prayer to StarClan. “What am I going to do without you, Goldensnow?”
As always, no reply came.
At last, he closed his eyes and dreamt.
~*~*~
Dawn was here. Ratstar blinked sleepily. The sleep did not help him at all. All pain and grief did not go away. They were aroused once he woke up. Sighing, he grunted as he searched for another way to erase the pain.
He paused as he heard voices outside his den. It was Shyrose, whispering to Leafberry. Ratstar guessed Leafberry finished her warrior vigil and was able to talk now. He heard Shyrose whispering, “He is getting better, thanks to you.”
“Me?” Leafberry replied.
“Yes. Before you arrived two moons ago, he was in a weak position that he could not be able to take lead of his clan. Warriors whispered of rumors that Icesnake, the deputy, would have to take over Ratstar’s leadership for a while until Ratstar recovers.”
“What recovery? Ratstar seemed fine to me as we first met.”
Shyrose sighed softly as she told her, “No, he was not fine. He lost his mate three seasons ago and it destroyed him. His grief almost corrupted ShadowClan. Thank StarClan we were not in the bad shape back then. Otherwise, it would be a lot worse.”
“Lost his mate? Oh, that must be hard on him.” Ratstar heard the sorrow inside Leafberry’s voice.
“Yes, it is very hard. After all, it had been three seasons. He is still grieving, but he got a little better. Since you got here, he smiled a bit more. Back to his old self, I mean. The whole clan was happy. You are our heroine, for saving our leader. For that, we want to thank you.”
Ratstar shut his eyes tightly. He felt guilty for putting his clan through a lot of trouble. If he was wiser, he would take a little break from the leadership, letting Icesnake take over the clan for a while until he recovers…but Shyrose did not know this one thing.
Ever since his mate’s death, he strongly desired to commit suicide. Nine lives seemed too long and as time passed, it drove him mad. He tried to eat deathberries once, but he still survived. StarClan did not want him to die and for that, he cursed them. He abhorred StarClan for making him live.
He would do anything to stop breathing. Erasing his suicidal thoughts for now, Shyrose’s voice vanished. Ratstar heard Leafberry’s pawsteps as she came in his den. Glancing inside, her soft, delicate eyes landed on Ratstar’s. “Mind if I come in?”
“You are already inside. I don’t mind.”
“That’s true. Forgive me for not going with the dawn patrol, but I want to talk with my former mentor. It is tempting.”
Ratstar had to purr at her statement. “Of course, I forgave you. Foolish warrior, you already made me laugh. Why is it tempting?” He lightly teased.
“Let StarClan tell you my thoughts.” Leafberry glanced down shyly. This was unusual of her, being shy around him. Then Leafberry’s eyes met his with a sharp determination. “I have to confess.”
“A confession? I never thought you would have any since you were a good apprentice. You had done no trouble.”
“No, not any kind of trouble, Ratstar. This is something you have to know before the leafbare arrives.”
Ratstar’s ears prickled in suspicion. “What is it?”
“Do you believe in StarClan, Ratstar?”
“I am a leader. I am required to believe in StarClan.”
“Not all leaders do, Ratstar. Some of us are born liars. We are sinners.”
“Sinners?” He never heard of the word.
“Oh, that’s a word that Twolegs used to mean that everyone is not perfect. We all made mistakes.”
Ratstar had a feeling that this was going to be a long discussion. He never had a talk like this with any of his warriors, but only with Bearnose, the medicine cat. The leader was surprised at Leafberry’s hidden wisdom. “You lived with the Twolegs?”
“Yes, I did. For a while. Then I left to explore. But that is not my point. Do you believe in StarClan?”
He checked the den as he made sure no one was watching. Just double checking, he shook his head solemnly, “No.”
Leafberry made no expression. She only nodded, “Ah. So you have no feelings for StarClan?”
Now, Ratstar had no idea where Leafberry was leading to, but he had an explosion of feelings that need to get out. Now. He glared at his former apprentice angrily, not at her directly, but at the emotion of his feelings being uncovered, “I have a hatred for them, as I do for my enemies.”
“Ratstar, don’t take this the wrong way. But your hatred shows that you do believe in StarClan. You hate them strongly because you do know that they exist.”
The leader fell silent. How dare did Leafberry know of this? She broke into his dark mind, weaving threads into his feelings. Somehow, he felt calmer and cooler. His breathing softened. Grief was still there, but lighter.
He blinked in defeat. Frowning and with a low whimper, Ratstar sighed deeply with disappointment. “What do you want, Leafberry?” He met her eyes, as he showed his vulnerable side.
Because of that, Leafberry frowned as well. She whispered, “Oh, Ratstar…”
He suddenly looked at Leafberry and meowed, “Leafberry? What’s your confession?”
Leafberry’s eyes brought out tears. Fresh tears, she began sobbing. “It is nothing important.”
“I better get back. The dawn patrol needs me,” Leafberry whispered as she stood up. Giving a little bow, she left the den without a word.
Ratstar blinked. The she-cat may say that it was not important, but her actions showed him the different answer. Whatever it was, it was important. However, he did not wish to hear it. Not now.
And…what about the upcoming leafbare? It was only newleaf, almost greenleaf in a moon. Bearnose needed a new apprentice soon. Ratstar remembered the cranky medicine cat walking into his den and determined for a new apprentice. The leader had to calm him down and assure him that he would get an apprentice soon.
~*~*~
Eight kits were squealing in delight, jumping around in joy. They were going to be apprenticed now. Greenleaf arrived and the forest was in full summer mode. The night was warm, attracting a lot of prey.
Two mothers, Dragontail and Fernheart, were sitting up straight proudly. Their work was well done and it was their turn to return to warrior duties. A rumor swarmed into the camp that the dark brown tabby she-cat, Dragontail, was not able to bear any kits. Bearnose confirmed this unfortunate case to Ratstar last night.
Dragontail was not sad. Instead, she was extremely happy. Her mate, Ironeye, was not happy at all. He wanted more kits to keep ShadowClan strong. The couple broke up, never going to be mates again. Ratstar did not blame Dragontail, the young she-cat. He remembered her when she was a tiny apprentice, very shy.
Now as an experienced mother, Dragontail discovered self-confidence and independence. She was better suited to the life of a warrior. Ratstar noticed with a quiet understanding while Dragontail was taking care of her kits for the last six moons, she would always squeeze her way out of her nest of sleeping kits. No one knew this, but Ratstar did. Dragontail had this freedom breaking on her face.
Ratstar was not sure that he never saw her smiling at Ironeye like that. Though, Dragontail did not like being a mother, but that did not deny her fierce love for her four kits. Her three daughters looked exactly like her. They all carried the same confidence and spirit as their mother, while Dragontail’s only son, Silverkit, was anxious. He was far more cautious and quiet.
Silverkit looked like his father, Ironeye. Though, Ironeye was a good warrior, his pride sometimes ate him entirely. He bragged toward other warriors that Silverkit was going to be the best warrior ShadowClan had ever seen, but everyone knew that Silverkit yearned to walk on the path of a medicine cat.
Silverkit’s blue eyes were the blue as a summer night sky, like tonight. Bright blue, yet a bit dark, he was shifting his paws. For a smart kit, he knew that Ironeye would be angry with the clan for making his son a medicine cat apprentice.
Next to Silverkit, Fernheart’s litter of four kits were squealing in excitement. Fernheart was nuzzling her mate, Ivyear. They were the polar opposite of Dragontail and Ironeye. Almost inseparable of each other, Ivyear had more respect for Fernheart, the pretty gray tabby she-cat. Fernheart wanted to return to her warrior duties and stopped having kits for a while. Ivyear had no complaints.
Ivyear was a black and white tom with glowing yellow eyes. Fernheart’s whole litter looked like him. All kits were toms.
Ratstar realized suddenly that if Goldensnow was here, she would smile at the kits in admiration. He imagined her with two golden kits sitting by her, waiting to receive their apprentice names. Sighing, it hurt him that that would never happen. He thought he would go dizzy, but he held his position.
Leafberry was lying with other warriors, her gray eyes unmistaken. Bearnose was excited. The old cat knew that Silverkit was soon going to join him. Ratstar told his clan, “ShadowClan, we are gathered today to name all eight kits to be apprenticed.”
“Honeysuckle, Brambleheart, Hiddeneyes, and Lightning, please come forward,” he called four warriors. Honeysuckle was Goldensnow’s niece. Goldensnow’s sister, Violetleaf, joined the elders. Violetleaf and Goldensnow did not get along that well. They were from a different litter. With a great difference in their ages, Violetleaf was about fifty moons older than Goldensnow. Their mother bore kits at a late age.
One striking fact about Violetleaf was her eyes. Her eyes were a deep shade of purple, heed her name. She was a fierce-headed she-cat with a troubled spirit. Sharp tongued, she kept mostly to herself. Only Honeysuckle seemed to soften Violetleaf’s troubled spirit.
“Honeysuckle, you are ready to take on your first apprentice. Mousepaw,” Ratstar told Dragontail’s daughter.
Treepaw was appointed to Brambleheart. Applepaw was appointed to Hiddeneyes. Dragontail kept herself closer to Silverkit, her son while she watched her three daughters bounding away to join their new mentors.
Ratstar kept his eyes on Lighting, the young warrior. Lighting was a light golden tom with blue eyes. Ratstar called after Fernheart’s four sons. “Vealkit, this is your new mentor, Lighting. From now on, you will be known as Vealpaw.”
Icesnake stepped forward. Ratstar appointed Turtlepaw to him. Shyrose stepped forward and took Spiralpaw as her apprentice. Third son of Fernheart and Ivyear, Winterpaw was appointed to Leafberry. Leafberry’s eyes shone with admiration.
Lastly, the fourth son of Fernheart and Ivyear, Ratstar named Clawpaw as Ivyear’s apprentice.
Finally, Ratstar looked down at Silverkit, the one who was getting more nervous. Scared, to be more accurate. Ratstar gave him a look to warn him to calm down. Silverkit calmed a little, but mostly thanked to Dragontail. “Shh,” Ratstar heard her hushing.
Ratstar’s eyes moved to Bearnose, the ancient medicine cat. Walking toward the clearing, Bearnose’s ginger pelt looked like rust in the face of the night sky. His dark brown eyes glinted with relief. He was happy now that he was about to receive his apprentice. Ratstar looked down at Bearnose and asked him, “Are you ready to take on an apprentice?”
Bearnose nodded, “Yes.”
The stone gray kit, Silverkit, was shivering. Bearnose came closer to Silverkit. Ratstar smiled gently, “Then Silverpaw is going to be your apprentice. Take care of him and give him your whole knowledge.” Bearnose dipped his head as he touched noses with Silverpaw.
The whole clan was cheering, but Ironeye’s yowl pierced the cheers. All cats looked at him now. “My son is not a medicine cat apprentice! Oh no, he is not!” He pushed his way through the warriors. Ironeye was going to approach his son, Silverpaw, but Dragontail stopped him.
She was crouched into an offensive position, ready to attack Ironeye if she had to. She was hissing at her former mate.
Ironeye stepped forward and Dragontail hissed louder, “Don’t you dare.”
Ratstar was alarmed that Dragontail was going to attack, but Ironeye stepped back. He snorted in disgust as he told Dragontail, “You worthless mousedung. You and I are not done.”
“If you touch me, I will kill you,” Dragontail hissed lightly, her eyes solid. “No one will care to stop me. StarClan may forgive you, but I never will.”
Icesnake stepped in between of them. His blue eyes landed on both angry cats and told them calmly, “Don’t forget your kits. They are apprentices now. Celebrate for them. At least, for them.”
Dragontail did not take her eyes off Ironeye’s hard eyes. She answered Icesnake, “Thank you, Icesnake, but I will celebrate with others. Not with this one.”
The whole clan was breaking apart. Some gathered with new apprentices. Leafberry was busy chattering with her new apprentice, Winterpaw. Ratstar sighed deeply as he decided to retreat to his den.
As he came into his den, he was glad to have some peace to himself. This was one of several rare moments of having solitude and freedom. Being a leader was not easy. He wished he was a warrior again, hunting on his own with no care in the world. He yearned to feel Goldensnow’s soft head rubbing against his head. His ears ached to hear her soft purrs.
Sighing in disappointment, he laid his head against his paws.
Sleep did not come to him naturally, but this time, it did.
~*~*~
It was the last moon of the greenleaf. Ratstar was sitting calmly on a branch of a pine tree. Warmth of the wind brushed against his muzzle. He savored the last moments of the greenleaf heat.
Though he knew in his heart he would feel the warmth again next greenleaf. And for many greenleafs to come.
A pine cone made its way down the tree. Falling soundlessly, it hit the soft earth with a light thud. How tragic it sounded, Ratstar thought it was one of the tree’s pains. It was like the tiny scar inside the wound of his heart.
“Goldensnow, I miss you,” Ratstar sighed heavily. The leader stopped uttering her name in front of anyone for a few moons now. Some warriors thought he was finished with the mourning of his mate.
Only Bearnose, the elders, and the rest of StarClan knew that he was not finished. StarClan may like to know that Ratstar’s pain will subdue, but Ratstar was the only cat who knew wholly and deeply in his heart that he would feel the pain all the time. Every breath he takes, he would remember.
He heard tales of cats taking another mate. They must been strong enough…or they had been lying to themselves. Ratstar did not know how a cat could lose someone they truly loved and took another one. Cats who said that they loved the second cat with their whole hearts, Ratstar believed that they lied. They still loved their old loves.
Though, he had no comments about that. Cats inside his clan whispered of him taking another mate. He admitted that he thought about it, but the painful reminder of the golden beauty was too much. It was enough that if he looked at another she-cat, the love for that she-cat would be nothing as he loved that golden tabby.
“Ratstar?”
The leader’s golden eyes were staring hard at the bark of the pine tree as he heard his name being called. With a blink, he looked down.
It was Leafberry. Usually, Ratstar would see her with her apprentice, Winterpaw. They were stuck together all the time. Winterpaw had grew a high fond for the pretty she-cat. No, Leafberry truly is beautiful, Ratstar corrected himself.
Leafberry was the only cat out of the whole clan who could look at Ratstar like he was just a cat. Everyone else looked at him like he was a leader. It was nice, seeing her here alone.
Her head was tuned up, looking directly at him. A smile was pasted on her muzzle. Warmth spread into gray irises. Ratstar had to swallow at the sight. He blinked again.
“What are you thinking about?” Leafberry asked as she would ask any cat.
Ratstar pushed away his private thoughts and opened his mouth to speak. “Just what I am going to do with the clan. Making up warrior names for seven apprentices.” He lied smoothly, even concluded with a fake smile.
Leafberry did not catch any of that. She only added with another silly grin, “Winterpaw would like to be called Winterstorm. Though if I were you, I would call him Winterdung. He could be evil sometimes.”
Ratstar had to laugh. He never had this chat with Leafberry before. She was busier than ever, training with her apprentice the whole greenleaf. It was a surprise, learning what kind of her sense of humor was. “That would be a nice name. Winterdung, ShadowClan welcomes you as a full warrior.”
Leafberry chuckled heartily. “That would make my day.”
Ratstar flashed a real smile. He remembered what Shyrose said moons before, to Leafberry about her being able to make him smile when no one else could. The leader rose to paws and jumped down.
By accident, he almost fell into Leafberry. They were touching noses. Leafberry was about to move back, but Ratstar leaned forward. They froze and stared at each other’s eyes.
Ratstar had to compliment on the gray eyes. They were the mark of her beauty. Though, he felt nothing for her. Only startled. Until he stared into her eyes than a second, he thought he saw something.
Bright blue eyes stared back into him. They reminded him of the river in RiverClan. Fragility was there, but strength was built in as well. No one had the eyes as his lost mate as he moved back. He looked down at the ground.
Leafberry did not look away. She was breathing heavily. Ratstar did not say anything, but Leafberry did. “I better check on Winterpaw now, Ratstar.”
She bowed as she left. Her scent was left behind. The scent was full of pine cones and a faint taint of evergreen needles. They perfumed the clearing, but Ratstar’s eyes widened.
Leafberry’s scent was exactly the same as Goldensnow’s scent. What was this?
~*~*~
All seven young warriors were sitting up straightly. Their heads were held high in pride in the sight of the silver moon. Leafberry left Winterstorm’s side as she joined other warriors that used to be the seven warriors’ mentors. All former mentors were proud as well because of what they had created for ShadowClan.
It was the night before the leafbare would arrive. No cloud formed in front of the moon. The whole clan joined in the celebration, until they went back to their dens, sleeping soundly. Seven warriors stood in front of the entrance. They were required to remain silent and keep their eyes open the whole night as countless newly made warriors did before seasons and seasons upon then.
Ratstar was about to go back to his den until Bearnose stopped him. Silvernight was following Bearnose behind. They both looked anxious. Ratstar asked the senior medicine cat, “What’s the matter? Is it Ironeye?”
Ironeye was the warrior that fell ill mysteriously just a few weeks ago. He still did not recover and was required to move in the medicine cat den to receive medicine cats’ full attentions at all times. Blueberry, Ironeye’s newest mate, would always come to visit and keep him company.
To make things worse, Blueberry was Dragontail’s only sister. The whole clan was nervous with Dragontail’s reaction, but Dragontail only scoffed at the newfound fact and told everyone that Blueberry would find out the truth for herself.
Blueberry was expecting kits now. Ironeye was proud of her.
Ratstar had no complaints for the solid gray tom. He served his clan well, giving the clan three strong warriors and a wise medicine cat. Though, Ratstar did not like his philosophy of living, Ratstar was concerned for Ironeye’s health. Bearnose shook his head sadly, “He is dying.”
Silvernight frowned miserably. The young solid gray tom was grieving because Ironeye was his father. Ratstar saw that the young medicine cat had done everything to the best of his ability to heal his father, but nothing worked.
The leader’s heart ached for him. Losing a parent was the worst, for some. Ratstar remembered the fateful night he lost his father, Adderstrike. Goldensnow was by his side, rubbing his side, trying to comfort him. Goldensnow was close to Adderstrike as well. Ratstar shook the memory away.
“Bring me to him,” Ratstar ordered.
Bearnose nodded, “He asked for you.”
They all went to the medicine cat den. Ratstar entered as he heard Ironeye’s soft coughs. The proud warrior could not stay on his paws anymore. He was lying like a pile of limp. The bones on his body were visible. Ratstar ordered Blueberry to get out. Bearnose stopped Ratstar and told him, “Blueberry could be infected. She was with him all the time.”
Ratstar nodded once, “Keep her outside with Silvernight.”
Bearnose dipped his head and went outside with Silvernight and Blueberry.
Ratstar turned his head and heard Ironeye laughing dryly. “I never quit.” He coughed again. “This won’t stop me.” He scoffed, but it made him cough even more. “Those medicine cats, that son of mine, told me that I am dying, but I am not.”
The leader did not say anything. Ironeye kept talking, “When this is over, I will tell the whole clan that I made it. You watch me. Please forgive me for being coy, but it is me.”
“Don’t worry, Ironeye. They are wrong,” Ratstar lied, though he knew that Ironeye would never accept the truth. This was unfortunate, seeing a cat dying wanting to fight more and more, but it was worthless. There was nothing left.
It was one of the leader’s hardest duties, having to lie. Deceiving had never came to Ratstar naturally. Goldensnow even told him that he was a bad liar. Ratstar teased about it, but now it was more hard to keep up with lies.
As time passed, Ironeye coughed harder. He spat blood. “I am not going to quit.” Ironeye kept muttering the words again and again as he finally closed his eyes.
He opened his eyes once more as he let out a gasp. For once, Ratstar thought Ironeye had a change of heart. He squealed in pain as he told Ratstar, “Tell Dragontail that I am…” His eyes closed.
All of sudden, cold air appeared. They always show up when a dead cat was among the living. Ratstar wondered where they came from. Probably from StarClan. Maybe it was their way of showing that they had came for the cat.
As the cold air showed up, a word echoed the den, “Sorry.”
Blueberry came inside. Her body began to shake. Wailing sounds began to echo as well. Ratstar called after two medicine cats, “Take care of her. I have to tell the clan.”
This was one of the hardest jobs that a leader had to perform. He called for the whole clan’s attention. They were all sleeping, but their eyes were open once they heard Ratstar’s voice.
Sleepy, but aroused, cats yawned and blinked. Ratstar told them with a bitter note, “One of our warriors, Ironeye, had left ShadowClan to join StarClan tonight.”
Now the whole clan began to mutter. Whispers came to life across the dens. The elders looked toward the sky. “We will hold a vigil for Ironeye tonight. Seven warriors, you all are required to perform your warrior vigil while others will hold a vigil for Ironeye. For me, I have to retreat to my den for the rest of the night. Do not disturb me. If you need assistance or any questions, please ask Icesnake. He is taking charge tonight.”
Ratstar finished as he retired to his den. He heard pawsteps behind him. He thought it would be Icesnake, but it was Leafberry. Gray eyes were troubled. Ratstar asked her, “What’s wrong?”
She anxiously glanced at the medicine cat den. Pitiful sounds wailed overhead. It came from Blueberry. Leafberry swallowed, “It is better if Ironeye’s body to be buried in the forest right now. Blueberry is required to stay inside the medicine cat den. Silvernight needs to stay out.”
Ratstar’s eyes narrowed. “What are you talking about?”
Leafberry’s eyes widened. “Ironeye died of a lethal disease. It is highly contagious. Blueberry and Bearnose are infected with the disease.”
“What disease?”
“Don’t you know?”
“Know what?” Ratstar hissed lightly. He was getting frustrated.
“Blackcough.”
Ratstar’s eyes widened. Blackcough was a disease that all medicine cats would forbid themselves to speak of. For if they utter the name, they would fear of being jinxed. Blackcough was the most deadly disease that could wipe the whole clan out in a single season if it wished. “Are you sure, Leafberry?”
Leafberry panted lightly as she nodded. Gray eyes were certain. The leader trusted her with his heart. “Okay, then. May StarClan bless your soul.”
He pushed by Leafberry to reach the medicine cat den. But it was too late. Four cats were in the den. He yowled so loud that all cats heard him. Silvernight came out, rushing toward him. “What’s wrong?”
“Get them out!”
“What?”
Ratstar kept his feelings down. “Get the cats out. Only keep Blueberry, Ironeye, and Bearnose inside. They are not to be near any cat. They are infected with blackcough.”
“Blackcough?!” Silvernight’s eyes widened. “I knew it. I was right all along! Bearnose did not believe me, but I was right. StarClan, help me.”
His eyes widened, “But they are already inside. They must stay inside.” Silvernight told Ratstar, “Get two warriors to guard the den. I can’t risk any more cats inside.”
Ratstar nodded as he called after Icesnake. “Icesnake, get two warriors and guard the den! Let no one inside!”
“Who will take care of them?” Silvernight’s eyes were alarmed. Ratstar did not know. He could not let anyone risking their lives taking care of those cats. He called after Leafberry. Leafberry trotted after Ratstar’s side and said, “Yes, I am here.”
Ratstar asked her, “Who will take care of those cats? I can’t risk anyone.”
Leafberry said suddenly, “I will do it.”
“You?” Ratstar’s eyes were full of shock.
~*~*~
Leafberry was not kidding. She took care of all cats inside the medicine cat den for two moons. Leafberry’s prediction was correct. All cats got ill. They had no choice, but to wait for their deaths.
Bearnose complained one day, “Oh, this feels horrible.”
Ratstar kept his clan away from the troubled den. Soon, today, it was a terrible day. Sounds inside the medicine cat den died down. Silence thrived. Leafberry stopped going inside.
Ratstar came to her and asked, “What happened?”
Leafberry stared at his eyes and simply stated, “They all passed away.”
Silvernight was sleeping with other warriors inside the warriors’ den. He was troubled and agitated that he could not help his dying clan mates. Ratstar told his clan the tragic loss.
Icesnake was sharing tongues with Shyrose. They were devastated because their two kits were the part of the medicine cat incident. Everyone was mourning, but suspicions began to grow as they noticed Leafberry’s unfailing health.
A warrior, Winterstorm, cursed Leafberry. He called his former mentor a witch. Soon, everyone treated her cruelly. Ratstar told his clan to quit picking on her. Blackcough did not spread again. It was as if nothing happened. Soon, as the leafbare was over, Leafberry let Ratstar know that it was safe to dispose of the bodies.
Ratstar ordered Winterstorm and Icesnake to help the elders to get rid of the bodies. The whole clan joined in this vigil. After the vigil, Ratstar saw Dragontail staying behind in the forest. Her eyes were lying on the grave of Ironeye.
Ratstar left Leafberry’s side as he joined Dragontail. Tears did not form out of her eyes. Dark brown eyes were dry as if she showed no emotion. She did not look at the leader, but whispered, “I hated Ironeye. I never wanted him as my mate. But I took him anyway.”
Ratstar did not say a word, but told her instead, “Before he died, he told me to tell you that he was sorry.”
Dragontail looked up at Ratstar at last and said, “I know. Thank you.”
Ratstar was puzzled at her mystery, but did not discuss it any further. He left her behind in respect. As he found Leafberry, Leafberry smiled softly, “Is she okay?”
“Yeah,” Ratstar murmured.
“May we go out? To that tree we hung out before?”
Ratstar nodded, “We may.”
~*~*~
Ratstar was standing on his four paws as Leafberry sat straight with her tail wrapped around her tiny paws. Gray spots looked lovely on her dappled white coat. She glanced up at the dew on the pine branch. “Newleaf is coming.”
Ratstar nodded, “Yeah. It is the way it is.”
Leafberry smiled. “It is a year since I first joined.” Her ears twitched happily. Flashing a smile at Ratstar, she asked him gently, “Do you remember the confession I tried to tell you, but it is not important?”
Ratstar nodded, “Yes, I remember.”
Leafberry closed her eyes. “You would not forget a lot of things. Do you?”
Ratstar shook his head, “No, but I wish.”
“If you did, then you would not be who you are.”
Ratstar smiled genuinely at Leafberry’s unspoken wisdom. “You spoke as if you lived a full lifetime before.”
She chuckled, “But I am only young.”
He shook his head, “You are very smart.”
“Thank you,” Leafberry smiled. This time, she looked up at the sky. Her head was lifting higher. Ratstar looked up and down, not knowing what was about to happen. He narrowed an eye, “What’s going on?”
The sun began to shine brightly. One of its rays showered on her body. Gray eyes began to glow. Stars twinkled, sparkling as they danced their way around her spotted fur.
Ratstar gasped. He whispered, “You are a StarClan cat.”
Leafberry laughed heartily. It was a sound that no living cat would make. Such a sweet sound, Ratstar had to smile. It was sweet as a fading song. “I have always loved you, Ratstar,” Leafberry whispered with a bittersweet note.
Her head moved down, away from the sun’s blazing lights. This time, gray eyes were not there. Bright blue eyes soared. Fragility and strength blended each other, as if they were showing Ratstar the soul deep within.
Goldensnow would always take Ratstar down and lie next to him, whispering into his ear that looking into a creature’s eyes is like looking at the window of the soul.
Gray spots and the dappled white fur transformed into dark golden hues. White patch over the right eye was shown. Ratstar stood there, gaped and mouth hanging wide. He whispered with a heartfelt feeling, “Leafberry?”
Leafberry’s voice came from the transformed cat, “It is me, Ratstar.”
Before Ratstar could speak, the sun’s light vanished. Leafberry was back to normal. Ratstar blinked as he gasped, “It is you, Leafberry. You are Goldensnow.”
“It is not important,” Leafberry-Goldensnow purred. Though, the purr caught Ratstar’s broken heart. His heart heard the soft sound and came to life. His ears twitched as he whispered, “It is you the whole time!”
Goldensnow smiled. And nodded.
Ratstar felt strange looking at the stranger, but his beloved was this stranger. Sighing, he looked at her harder and found the blue eyes inside the gray eyes. Though he looked away. “What are you doing here?”
Goldensnow explained, “I was not supposed to die. My death was an accident.”
His heart ached. “Don’t remind me.”
Goldensnow moved toward him. Ratstar let himself embracing her. Ratstar felt wrong, wrapping himself around the stranger’s body. The body felt wrong. It was too thin and lithe. It was not Goldensnow’s body.
“You are not the same,” Ratstar meowed.
“I know. But I am still here. My spirit.”
Ratstar shook his head sadly. “I missed you.”
Goldensnow moved back as she flashed a sad smile. “I have to go. It is my time to leave.”
“What? No.”
“I saved your clan. I saved you.”
His heart tightened. He told her, “I can’t live without you.”
She smiled, “You actually did. For a whole one year without me.”
“But you were Leafberry!”
She chuckled lightly, “Yes, but you did not know. You lived. And you can live. Live for me. Be the strong cat I fell love with.”
Ratstar dropped his head. “Okay, I will live for you. I will be the best leader as they could have.”
“Thank you.” Then she added, “You will live for a long time. You will find another she-cat.”
“No.” He shook his head. “No.”
She smiled sadly, “Why not? This is your life and you only get to live it once.”
He frowned, “I love you. Why should I find another one? I only want you.”
She leaned against his chest as she sighed. “As you wish, Ratstar.”
She moved back as she flicked her tail. Leafberry’s tail. Gray eyes darkened as the stranger’s mouth moved to form the words, “I love you too.” Goldensnow turned and began to walk in the opposite direction. As she got farther and farther away, she was gone.
~*~*~
Seasons passed. Many cats like Icesnake were gone. Seven warriors that he grew up during his leadership were senior warriors, almost ready to join the elders’ den. Ratstar led his clan through all kinds of hardships, never quitting living.
Silvernight was with Ratstar near Ratstar’s den. Silvernight grew into an old cat like Bearnose. White hair was all over his muzzle. Ratstar knew that he had more white hairs than Silvernight. He already checked that in a clear puddle a few days before.
Ratstar even got questions from younger apprentices that he would retire soon, but he told them no. He was born to lead. And he knew that he would die leading.
The ShadowClan leader witnessed cats knowing exactly when it was their time to depart Earth behind and join StarClan.
Silvernight carried a bundle of herbs for Ratstar, but Ratstar declined. “No, thank you.”
Silvernight was worried. “Ratstar? You have to take those.”
Ratstar knew that he was living his last life. Ninth life, it was his own life he was living as any normal warrior. Even he was too old to hunt and fight anymore.
“I will take them with me. First, I need to sleep.”
Silvernight dipped his head without a word as he left the leader alone.
Ratstar limped inside his den. Slowly and painfully, he settled down. His legs were betraying him badly. Wincing in pain, he looked at the herbs. They would help his legs’ pain numb if he would take them, but he was content that the herbs would never heal his yearning for the cat he loved for seasons and seasons.
He never found another she-cat to fall in love with. Though many she-cats would love to share their lives with him. They tried to tempt him to get them, but he never did.
Closing his eyes, he found himself walking down a smooth trial of broken brambles. It was the same forest he hunted for seasons. Though, he felt the pain inside his legs. Panting for the air, he walked down the path.
It got easier. The limps stopped. The pain inside his legs was gone. Again, he felt the youth energy that he once felt as he became a newly made warrior, long ago.
He paused at the edge of a lone river. It was a narrow river. He paused as he glanced in the water. What he saw made him gasp. He was his young self again. No more cloudy eyes. No more white hair on his muzzle. No more crippled back. No more crooked teeth.
Proud, gleaming yellow eyes stared back in the water. Dark brown tabby stripes looked glossy. His muscles rippled with renewed strength. He let out a loud roar of ecstasy. Laughing louder, he knew that he missed being young as age took a toll on him.
Not only that, he was smiling broadly because he saw the most beautiful golden tabby with brightest blue eyes walking toward the river in front of him.
It was his time.
Finally.
~*~*~
...the end. This is the beloved tale of the golden spirit, in other words, my sister. I lived far longer than Goldensnow, by five seasons. She and I never got along, did you say? No, that is another rumor, kits. Don't your mothers ever teach you that rumors are not always right? My point is, Goldensnow and I lived in two different lifetimes. Her love for the leader is something that I would never understand, even in my old age. I had mates while I was a warrior, but I never fell in love. I always envied Goldensnow...what? Don't you know who I am? I am Violetleaf. Yes, I know that I only took a minor role in the tale. It is not my tale. It is theirs. And they have a right to have their voices being heard. Now, it is time for the old cat, me, to get some sleep.
What? Did you ask me how old I am? Let's say that I was there before the Fourtrees were born.
Good night, youngsters.
A long-haired dark brown tabby tom was sleeping soundly in his den. A couple of bramble bushes surrounded him, their stubby branches poking in his thick pelt. The sun was barely up.
“Ratstar!”
The yowl woke the tabby tom up. A pair of light golden eyes opened wide. The yowl startled him awake. He stood up suddenly, ruffling down his fur with his tail. “Icesnake?”
The white warrior rushed in the den, panting heavily, his blue eyes wide with fear. “It is…Goldensnow.”
Icesnake had no time to move so the leader can come outside. The leader pushed him aside, jumping across a pair of broken logs as he scrambled through a band of chattering apprentices. They were excited about morning patrol, but the long-haired tabby had no care in the whole world. He almost tripped over his medicine cat, Bearnose.
“Fox-“
Bearnose shut his mouth as he saw who it was. His eyes did not change at all when he saw Ratstar. The leader stared at him, stuttering, “So- Wha- Goldensnow?” The tabby leader took a nervous peek in the queens’ den. Bearnose rolled his eyes at him and snorted.
“What’s wrong with Goldensnow? Is she ok?” The leader found his voice again.
“Go inside and see for yourself,” the medicine cat said, matter-as-a-fact and walked away. Ratstar was left standing helplessly. His eyes trailed inside the queens’ den, searching for a golden tabby body. A few mouse lengths away, he found her.
Goldensnow.
A stone dagger stabbed him in his heart. Her sweet scent flew in his nostrils, but there was something underneath.
He went inside.
Goldensnow did not look up and greet Ratstar when he entered the den. The golden tabby queen looked down at her belly, her blue eyes full of tears. There were no words. Ratstar already knew.
“Goldensnow…”
The queen did not reply. Just kept looking at her belly. Ratstar did not say anything else. If he said something to his mate, she will only cry more. It was in his best interests to keep quiet. A few minutes passed until the queen lifted her head. Ratstar took a deep breath and sighed softly at her golden beauty.
Her eyes were the color of deepest blue waters. Same color as the river in RiverClan. The white stripes were lovely on her dark golden pelt. A white patch was all over her right eye and right ear. That was why Ratstar loved her. Goldensnow was ShadowClan’s most beautiful warrior. They were friends since they were kits. They grew up falling in love with each other…
“The kits…” She whimpered, trying to hold tears back in. It was too difficult now. Her blue eyes watered. “I am so sorry.” Her head dropped down, her paws hiding her face. Ratstar moved closer to her and froze when Goldensnow whimpered, “I was so happy. So excited.” She lifted her head again, “I can’t do this anymore.” She sniffed as she rolled over, letting her belly being seen. So the whole world can see what were there.
Three tiny golden bundles lay there, motionless, dead. “This was my fifth time.” She shook her head, crying now, “Just…leave me alone.”
Ratstar did not listen. He dove in, wrapping his arms around Goldensnow’s body. To calm her. To make her feel better, but the leader knew. Nothing will heal the golden tabby’s broken heart. He felt sad too, felt guilty for making her going through this. He was the dead kits’ father. A second later, tears came out of his eyes, sharing his grief with his love.
Soon, Goldensnow looked up and told him, “I am dying.”
“What?” Ratstar whispered.
~*~*~
That was what Ratstar remember. His beautiful, golden mate passed away those three seasons ago. The medicine cat, Bearnose, did not know what was wrong with the leader’s mate. It was a mysterious illness, but Bearnose thought it was her inability to bear kits that left her weak.
Sighing, the dark tabby tom closed his eyes. Sleep was a gift he lost recently. Unable to dream in peace, nightmares filled his sleeping world. The leader was afraid that this would continue until he would die from lack of sleep. Bearnose brought him news that he would lead a long life.
Ratstar gave no mousedung about his life anymore. He just wanted to close his eyes and leave his body to join the ranks of StarClan. His heart yearned the golden feline, but he resisted. As always, it hurt.
A long life? Ratstar knew that StarClan would keep him live that long because he still had his nine lives. He faced death himself twice in seven seasons he had led. Once, he contracted greencough. The second time, he almost bled to death from the wound in his throat. Now, there was barely a scar on his throat. No cat would be able to detect it.
The ShadowClan leader wondered what would happen if a leader got too old, it did not lose one of its lives. Would the leader die of old age, losing all of his nine lives at once? That was a question he would like to be answered.
Busily wondering, a cat entered his den without any permission. It was Icesnake, one of his finest warriors. The leader was a bit jealous of the white warrior since he was a father of three litters. Shyrose was his mate. She certainly lived up to her name. Timid and eerily silent in nature, Ratstar did not know how Icesnake, the boldest and outspoken warrior, ever fell for her.
Opposite must attract each other, right? Ratstar shook his head. Goldensnow had always been there on his side, as if they were conjured at birth. They grew up together, from two warm-hearted queens in the den. As they grew of age, they trained together as apprentices.
Ratstar swore that once he was able to open his eyes for the very first time in the world, he fell in love for the beautiful golden she-cat. Icesnake shook his head, as he was not sure if he was supposed to bother his leader at the moment. “My apologies, Ratstar,” he began, being polite.
“No, no, don’t apologize. I need some distraction,” Ratstar answered, his voice surprisingly cracked. It was a grieving sound. He was still mourning for the love he lost. Icesnake felt pity for his leader. His leader was very young, still in his early forty moons. The white warrior could not imagine losing his Shyrose. It was bad luck to lose someone at a young age.
This must be a conspiracy of Dark Forest. “You have a newcomer. She is in the clearing and she wants to see you.”
A newcomer? ShadowClan did not have new cats in the clan for many moons. Ratstar wondered who it could be. Staggering to his paws, he followed Icesnake out of his den.
The leader found no need to walk across the clearing. A white furred with gray spots she-cat elegantly walked toward Ratstar and gave him a light dip of her head. Ratstar could not help, but to absorb the lovely details of the newcomer. This feline did not come from one of any clans, though the she-cat had a slim body of a WindClan warrior. Paws tiny like a newborn kit, long legs were the ones that covered the vulnerable aspect of her paws’ outline. Gray spots across her snow pelt remind Ratstar of snow leopards.
Snow leopards had blue eyes, but the stranger’s eyes were a peculiarity. Delicately light gray orbs glazed into Ratstar’s. This cat carried self confidence of a loner, but underneath the bold gaze inside her eyes, Ratstar knew not to underestimate this feline.
“I came here to speak with you, Ratstar,” the spotted she-cat spoke. It sent shivers down his spine. Soft and slightly accented, it showed her true colors. Though, Ratstar did not know what they were yet. Yet? Did he know that this cat would stay? Probably.
His ears flicked at the sound of his name. It did not surprise him that she knew his name. Warriors growled his name all the time even if they were invaded by the enemy. Fools, Ratstar thought. They should be mysterious as possible, but it was no use.
However, he was impressed that this cat was a well observant. His warriors lacked this quality lately. Sighing, he beckoned his head toward Icesnake, “Don’t bother with the guards. This she-cat is harmless.” The tone inside his voice was stern enough to let the newcomer know he did not want any fight.
Icesnake sent him an icy glare, but Ratstar only ditched him with other warriors. Falling back to their normal positions, Ratstar looked at the newcomer. “Follow me.”
No words being exchanged, the newcomer quickly followed after him. As they entered Ratstar’s den, the leader slumped down in his warm nest. “Feel free to sit down, if you like.” He eyed the bare ground.
“No, thank you,” the newcomer stated, her eyes taking across the den. Ratstar did not need to follow her glances. He knew very well what his den looked like.
The den was big enough for three cats to sleep in. Bramble twigs, crackled leaves, ferns, and evergreen needles were formed into a half globe-sized nest. The roof was enclosed with the welcoming arms of residing holly bushes. Berries were not blossoming yet. But they will in greenleaf. A dead tree log was created as walls of his den. They were renewed every season by the apprentices. Elders would complain at the noises apprentices would make from removing the marks of dead tree chips. Chuckling at the thought, he did not mind the noise. They were the only thing that remind him of how his clan was thriving well.
The newcomer’s eyes narrowed at the sound of Ratstar’s chuckle. “I would like to join your clan, Ratstar.”
Ratstar did not look away from the newcomer. He asked her the question, “Why?”
“I want to be a warrior,” she only replied.
Usually, Ratstar would decline the offer. However, there was something about this newcomer that caught his eye. He wanted to take her in his clan, but his mind was conflicted by thoughts of his ancestors. ShadowClan was not a clan that would take loners and rogues in. That was ThunderClan’s dirty job.
ShadowClan was doing really well this newleaf. Two litters were born last moon, one by Dragontail and another by Fernheart. Eight healthy kittens would become ShadowClan’s strongest warriors. Ratstar had seen to that. Plus, there were a lot of young warriors right now.
If he declined her offer, his clan would not be affected by this decision. They did not need a loner to taint the pure blood that raved throughout ShadowClan for countless moons. Thoughts spinning madly through his head, Ratstar solemnly nodded, “You may.”
He paused as he asked another question, “What’s your name?”
“I have no name, but I call myself Leaf.”
Leaf? Ratstar nodded quietly, “It is a pleasure to meet you, Leaf. Come with me.” He stood up on his paws as he led her out of his den. He paused a few feet away from his den. Letting his powerful head bowing toward the sky, he let out a loud roar. “ShadowClan cats, let us gather together for a Clan meeting!”
Cats stopped moving everywhere. Their heads turned toward him, eyes wide and ears ready to listen. This miraculous action always amazed Ratstar, but he got used to this authority. He eyed Leaf and told the whole clan, “We have a newcomer. Her name is Leaf. She will live with us.”
Leaf bowed her head toward others. Ratstar looked down at Leaf and told her firmly, “Until the day you earn your warrior name, your name is no longer Leaf, but Leafpaw.”
He touched noses with her as in the warriors’ tradition. He stepped back as the whole clan was cheering. Not one of them declined this honor. Icesnake, the white warrior, whose seemed to dislike Leaf at first joined the loud mews and cheers.
Ratstar had to smile. This was the first time in three long seasons since his beloved’s death.
~*~*~
“Yes!” Ratstar quietly whispered as he watched Leafpaw catching a distracted squirrel on one of low branches of an evergreen tree.
Two moons had passed and Leafpaw had done well. Ratstar had a fair share of apprentices that he mentored before he became a deputy. Moons of not being a mentor, he decided to take Leafpaw up as his official apprentice. Many apprentices inside the clan were mighty jealous.
It was awkward at first since Leafpaw was a full grown she-cat. She was twice bigger than other tiny, scrawny apprentices that she shared the den with. It was odd to find an adult cat sleeping in the den with younger cats, but it was nice too. With Leafpaw’s experience as a loner, she was able to influence the younger cats how to deal with patience. The past life as a loner did not betray her.
She was an excellent huntress. An expert at hunting, Ratstar did not need to teach her any ShadowClan hunting skills. Her delicate eyes were sharp and perfect for tracking prey in dark.
Aside from hunting, Leafpaw was too good at fighting. Her fighting moves made her hunting talent tame.
She even beat Icesnake in one of training evenings. The white warrior was highly impressed with her moves he even asked her to teach him. Ratstar was very proud of Leafpaw for being a positive addition to the clan.
“You caught it!” Ratstar complimented Leafpaw. Leafpaw looked up, a bit startled by his approach. It was proper of her to be shocked because he was not supposed to be here. But he found himself not able to stay away from his apprentice. He had to check on her. Otherwise, he knew that he had to make her a warrior now.
“You are ready to become a warrior now,” Ratstar smiled calmly. “Let’s go back to camp.”
She did not say anything, but to send a silent prayer to StarClan as she picked up the dead squirrel with her jaws.
As they returned, the camp was full. All warriors were sharing tongues. Ratstar guessed that all patrols just came back. This was a perfect time for a warrior’s ceremony. As he neared his den with Leafpaw, he yowled for everyone’s attention.
In less than a second, they were ready to listen. Silent as a deadly snake, the crowd seemed to know what was going on. He looked at the sky as he called, “I, Ratstar, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down upon this apprentice. She has trained hard to understand the ways of your noble code, and I command her to you as a warrior in her turn.”
He glanced down at his apprentice, “Leafpaw, do you promise to uphold the warrior code and defend this clan, even at the cost of your life?”
“I do,” Leafpaw said without any hesitance.
“Then by the powers of StarClan, I give you your warrior name. Leafpaw, from now on, you will be known as Leafberry. ShadowClan welcomes you as a full warrior.”
Ratstar touched her forehead and stepped back. “Congratulations,” he whispered so Leafberry could only hear him.
As Leafberry smiled for the very first time since she arrived here two moons ago, the whole clan whooped and cheered loudly for her behind her. Warriors came to her side, purring and chanting endlessly.
The elders let out a loud mrrw of amusement. “They treats her as if she was their heroine.”
A few apprentices giggled, “Yes, she is!”
Ratstar was satisfied. Now, it was his turn to rest. Before he could do that, he called after Leafberry, “Don’t forget your vigil!”
She called back, “I won’t. Now you mention that, I will begin now.”
Trotting to the entrance, she had to smile at the young kits that dashed after her. They stared at her with admiring eyes. With a tender heart, Leafberry looked at their mothers who were approaching now. The queens were embarrassed, apologizing to Leafberry for their kits bothering her. Leafberry could only shake her head to show them that she did not mind.
Kits scrambled away from Leafberry, their tails drooping on the ground in disappointment. Leafberry always played with them whenever she had free time from her warrior training. She was great with kits, which showed that she could be a great mother one day.
Everything about Leafberry reminded Ratstar of the golden beauty he fell in love with once he was kitted. He remembered that when Goldensnow finished her fighting training for the day, she would chatter excitedly as she came home. Once kits heard her pawsteps, they stopped playing with each other as they purred loudly as they ran toward her presence. Even Goldensnow was an apprentice at the time, she gladly took care of the kits while their mothers were away, taking a fresh stretch into the woods for a while.
While the queens complained about taking care of their kits, Goldensnow never whined. Always, she would come at every birth, celebrating with the new mother. She was not a motherly type, but she had a fierce desire to protect the youngsters from any danger. Not strict and cruel, she knew how to make a kit giggle and laugh in less than a second. If any kit cry, she would sweep in and make the kit’s day the best.
Shaking his head, Ratstar watched as the kits ran closer to their mothers back to the den. As he looked back at Leafberry, he did not expect to see her smiling at him. This shook him deeply as this look on Leafberry’s face was the exactly as Goldensnow’s. Blinking, he looked away.
Ratstar walked back to his den. Settling down, he let out a deep sigh. Before he close his eyes, he sent a silent prayer to StarClan. “What am I going to do without you, Goldensnow?”
As always, no reply came.
At last, he closed his eyes and dreamt.
~*~*~
Dawn was here. Ratstar blinked sleepily. The sleep did not help him at all. All pain and grief did not go away. They were aroused once he woke up. Sighing, he grunted as he searched for another way to erase the pain.
He paused as he heard voices outside his den. It was Shyrose, whispering to Leafberry. Ratstar guessed Leafberry finished her warrior vigil and was able to talk now. He heard Shyrose whispering, “He is getting better, thanks to you.”
“Me?” Leafberry replied.
“Yes. Before you arrived two moons ago, he was in a weak position that he could not be able to take lead of his clan. Warriors whispered of rumors that Icesnake, the deputy, would have to take over Ratstar’s leadership for a while until Ratstar recovers.”
“What recovery? Ratstar seemed fine to me as we first met.”
Shyrose sighed softly as she told her, “No, he was not fine. He lost his mate three seasons ago and it destroyed him. His grief almost corrupted ShadowClan. Thank StarClan we were not in the bad shape back then. Otherwise, it would be a lot worse.”
“Lost his mate? Oh, that must be hard on him.” Ratstar heard the sorrow inside Leafberry’s voice.
“Yes, it is very hard. After all, it had been three seasons. He is still grieving, but he got a little better. Since you got here, he smiled a bit more. Back to his old self, I mean. The whole clan was happy. You are our heroine, for saving our leader. For that, we want to thank you.”
Ratstar shut his eyes tightly. He felt guilty for putting his clan through a lot of trouble. If he was wiser, he would take a little break from the leadership, letting Icesnake take over the clan for a while until he recovers…but Shyrose did not know this one thing.
Ever since his mate’s death, he strongly desired to commit suicide. Nine lives seemed too long and as time passed, it drove him mad. He tried to eat deathberries once, but he still survived. StarClan did not want him to die and for that, he cursed them. He abhorred StarClan for making him live.
He would do anything to stop breathing. Erasing his suicidal thoughts for now, Shyrose’s voice vanished. Ratstar heard Leafberry’s pawsteps as she came in his den. Glancing inside, her soft, delicate eyes landed on Ratstar’s. “Mind if I come in?”
“You are already inside. I don’t mind.”
“That’s true. Forgive me for not going with the dawn patrol, but I want to talk with my former mentor. It is tempting.”
Ratstar had to purr at her statement. “Of course, I forgave you. Foolish warrior, you already made me laugh. Why is it tempting?” He lightly teased.
“Let StarClan tell you my thoughts.” Leafberry glanced down shyly. This was unusual of her, being shy around him. Then Leafberry’s eyes met his with a sharp determination. “I have to confess.”
“A confession? I never thought you would have any since you were a good apprentice. You had done no trouble.”
“No, not any kind of trouble, Ratstar. This is something you have to know before the leafbare arrives.”
Ratstar’s ears prickled in suspicion. “What is it?”
“Do you believe in StarClan, Ratstar?”
“I am a leader. I am required to believe in StarClan.”
“Not all leaders do, Ratstar. Some of us are born liars. We are sinners.”
“Sinners?” He never heard of the word.
“Oh, that’s a word that Twolegs used to mean that everyone is not perfect. We all made mistakes.”
Ratstar had a feeling that this was going to be a long discussion. He never had a talk like this with any of his warriors, but only with Bearnose, the medicine cat. The leader was surprised at Leafberry’s hidden wisdom. “You lived with the Twolegs?”
“Yes, I did. For a while. Then I left to explore. But that is not my point. Do you believe in StarClan?”
He checked the den as he made sure no one was watching. Just double checking, he shook his head solemnly, “No.”
Leafberry made no expression. She only nodded, “Ah. So you have no feelings for StarClan?”
Now, Ratstar had no idea where Leafberry was leading to, but he had an explosion of feelings that need to get out. Now. He glared at his former apprentice angrily, not at her directly, but at the emotion of his feelings being uncovered, “I have a hatred for them, as I do for my enemies.”
“Ratstar, don’t take this the wrong way. But your hatred shows that you do believe in StarClan. You hate them strongly because you do know that they exist.”
The leader fell silent. How dare did Leafberry know of this? She broke into his dark mind, weaving threads into his feelings. Somehow, he felt calmer and cooler. His breathing softened. Grief was still there, but lighter.
He blinked in defeat. Frowning and with a low whimper, Ratstar sighed deeply with disappointment. “What do you want, Leafberry?” He met her eyes, as he showed his vulnerable side.
Because of that, Leafberry frowned as well. She whispered, “Oh, Ratstar…”
He suddenly looked at Leafberry and meowed, “Leafberry? What’s your confession?”
Leafberry’s eyes brought out tears. Fresh tears, she began sobbing. “It is nothing important.”
“I better get back. The dawn patrol needs me,” Leafberry whispered as she stood up. Giving a little bow, she left the den without a word.
Ratstar blinked. The she-cat may say that it was not important, but her actions showed him the different answer. Whatever it was, it was important. However, he did not wish to hear it. Not now.
And…what about the upcoming leafbare? It was only newleaf, almost greenleaf in a moon. Bearnose needed a new apprentice soon. Ratstar remembered the cranky medicine cat walking into his den and determined for a new apprentice. The leader had to calm him down and assure him that he would get an apprentice soon.
~*~*~
Eight kits were squealing in delight, jumping around in joy. They were going to be apprenticed now. Greenleaf arrived and the forest was in full summer mode. The night was warm, attracting a lot of prey.
Two mothers, Dragontail and Fernheart, were sitting up straight proudly. Their work was well done and it was their turn to return to warrior duties. A rumor swarmed into the camp that the dark brown tabby she-cat, Dragontail, was not able to bear any kits. Bearnose confirmed this unfortunate case to Ratstar last night.
Dragontail was not sad. Instead, she was extremely happy. Her mate, Ironeye, was not happy at all. He wanted more kits to keep ShadowClan strong. The couple broke up, never going to be mates again. Ratstar did not blame Dragontail, the young she-cat. He remembered her when she was a tiny apprentice, very shy.
Now as an experienced mother, Dragontail discovered self-confidence and independence. She was better suited to the life of a warrior. Ratstar noticed with a quiet understanding while Dragontail was taking care of her kits for the last six moons, she would always squeeze her way out of her nest of sleeping kits. No one knew this, but Ratstar did. Dragontail had this freedom breaking on her face.
Ratstar was not sure that he never saw her smiling at Ironeye like that. Though, Dragontail did not like being a mother, but that did not deny her fierce love for her four kits. Her three daughters looked exactly like her. They all carried the same confidence and spirit as their mother, while Dragontail’s only son, Silverkit, was anxious. He was far more cautious and quiet.
Silverkit looked like his father, Ironeye. Though, Ironeye was a good warrior, his pride sometimes ate him entirely. He bragged toward other warriors that Silverkit was going to be the best warrior ShadowClan had ever seen, but everyone knew that Silverkit yearned to walk on the path of a medicine cat.
Silverkit’s blue eyes were the blue as a summer night sky, like tonight. Bright blue, yet a bit dark, he was shifting his paws. For a smart kit, he knew that Ironeye would be angry with the clan for making his son a medicine cat apprentice.
Next to Silverkit, Fernheart’s litter of four kits were squealing in excitement. Fernheart was nuzzling her mate, Ivyear. They were the polar opposite of Dragontail and Ironeye. Almost inseparable of each other, Ivyear had more respect for Fernheart, the pretty gray tabby she-cat. Fernheart wanted to return to her warrior duties and stopped having kits for a while. Ivyear had no complaints.
Ivyear was a black and white tom with glowing yellow eyes. Fernheart’s whole litter looked like him. All kits were toms.
Ratstar realized suddenly that if Goldensnow was here, she would smile at the kits in admiration. He imagined her with two golden kits sitting by her, waiting to receive their apprentice names. Sighing, it hurt him that that would never happen. He thought he would go dizzy, but he held his position.
Leafberry was lying with other warriors, her gray eyes unmistaken. Bearnose was excited. The old cat knew that Silverkit was soon going to join him. Ratstar told his clan, “ShadowClan, we are gathered today to name all eight kits to be apprenticed.”
“Honeysuckle, Brambleheart, Hiddeneyes, and Lightning, please come forward,” he called four warriors. Honeysuckle was Goldensnow’s niece. Goldensnow’s sister, Violetleaf, joined the elders. Violetleaf and Goldensnow did not get along that well. They were from a different litter. With a great difference in their ages, Violetleaf was about fifty moons older than Goldensnow. Their mother bore kits at a late age.
One striking fact about Violetleaf was her eyes. Her eyes were a deep shade of purple, heed her name. She was a fierce-headed she-cat with a troubled spirit. Sharp tongued, she kept mostly to herself. Only Honeysuckle seemed to soften Violetleaf’s troubled spirit.
“Honeysuckle, you are ready to take on your first apprentice. Mousepaw,” Ratstar told Dragontail’s daughter.
Treepaw was appointed to Brambleheart. Applepaw was appointed to Hiddeneyes. Dragontail kept herself closer to Silverkit, her son while she watched her three daughters bounding away to join their new mentors.
Ratstar kept his eyes on Lighting, the young warrior. Lighting was a light golden tom with blue eyes. Ratstar called after Fernheart’s four sons. “Vealkit, this is your new mentor, Lighting. From now on, you will be known as Vealpaw.”
Icesnake stepped forward. Ratstar appointed Turtlepaw to him. Shyrose stepped forward and took Spiralpaw as her apprentice. Third son of Fernheart and Ivyear, Winterpaw was appointed to Leafberry. Leafberry’s eyes shone with admiration.
Lastly, the fourth son of Fernheart and Ivyear, Ratstar named Clawpaw as Ivyear’s apprentice.
Finally, Ratstar looked down at Silverkit, the one who was getting more nervous. Scared, to be more accurate. Ratstar gave him a look to warn him to calm down. Silverkit calmed a little, but mostly thanked to Dragontail. “Shh,” Ratstar heard her hushing.
Ratstar’s eyes moved to Bearnose, the ancient medicine cat. Walking toward the clearing, Bearnose’s ginger pelt looked like rust in the face of the night sky. His dark brown eyes glinted with relief. He was happy now that he was about to receive his apprentice. Ratstar looked down at Bearnose and asked him, “Are you ready to take on an apprentice?”
Bearnose nodded, “Yes.”
The stone gray kit, Silverkit, was shivering. Bearnose came closer to Silverkit. Ratstar smiled gently, “Then Silverpaw is going to be your apprentice. Take care of him and give him your whole knowledge.” Bearnose dipped his head as he touched noses with Silverpaw.
The whole clan was cheering, but Ironeye’s yowl pierced the cheers. All cats looked at him now. “My son is not a medicine cat apprentice! Oh no, he is not!” He pushed his way through the warriors. Ironeye was going to approach his son, Silverpaw, but Dragontail stopped him.
She was crouched into an offensive position, ready to attack Ironeye if she had to. She was hissing at her former mate.
Ironeye stepped forward and Dragontail hissed louder, “Don’t you dare.”
Ratstar was alarmed that Dragontail was going to attack, but Ironeye stepped back. He snorted in disgust as he told Dragontail, “You worthless mousedung. You and I are not done.”
“If you touch me, I will kill you,” Dragontail hissed lightly, her eyes solid. “No one will care to stop me. StarClan may forgive you, but I never will.”
Icesnake stepped in between of them. His blue eyes landed on both angry cats and told them calmly, “Don’t forget your kits. They are apprentices now. Celebrate for them. At least, for them.”
Dragontail did not take her eyes off Ironeye’s hard eyes. She answered Icesnake, “Thank you, Icesnake, but I will celebrate with others. Not with this one.”
The whole clan was breaking apart. Some gathered with new apprentices. Leafberry was busy chattering with her new apprentice, Winterpaw. Ratstar sighed deeply as he decided to retreat to his den.
As he came into his den, he was glad to have some peace to himself. This was one of several rare moments of having solitude and freedom. Being a leader was not easy. He wished he was a warrior again, hunting on his own with no care in the world. He yearned to feel Goldensnow’s soft head rubbing against his head. His ears ached to hear her soft purrs.
Sighing in disappointment, he laid his head against his paws.
Sleep did not come to him naturally, but this time, it did.
~*~*~
It was the last moon of the greenleaf. Ratstar was sitting calmly on a branch of a pine tree. Warmth of the wind brushed against his muzzle. He savored the last moments of the greenleaf heat.
Though he knew in his heart he would feel the warmth again next greenleaf. And for many greenleafs to come.
A pine cone made its way down the tree. Falling soundlessly, it hit the soft earth with a light thud. How tragic it sounded, Ratstar thought it was one of the tree’s pains. It was like the tiny scar inside the wound of his heart.
“Goldensnow, I miss you,” Ratstar sighed heavily. The leader stopped uttering her name in front of anyone for a few moons now. Some warriors thought he was finished with the mourning of his mate.
Only Bearnose, the elders, and the rest of StarClan knew that he was not finished. StarClan may like to know that Ratstar’s pain will subdue, but Ratstar was the only cat who knew wholly and deeply in his heart that he would feel the pain all the time. Every breath he takes, he would remember.
He heard tales of cats taking another mate. They must been strong enough…or they had been lying to themselves. Ratstar did not know how a cat could lose someone they truly loved and took another one. Cats who said that they loved the second cat with their whole hearts, Ratstar believed that they lied. They still loved their old loves.
Though, he had no comments about that. Cats inside his clan whispered of him taking another mate. He admitted that he thought about it, but the painful reminder of the golden beauty was too much. It was enough that if he looked at another she-cat, the love for that she-cat would be nothing as he loved that golden tabby.
“Ratstar?”
The leader’s golden eyes were staring hard at the bark of the pine tree as he heard his name being called. With a blink, he looked down.
It was Leafberry. Usually, Ratstar would see her with her apprentice, Winterpaw. They were stuck together all the time. Winterpaw had grew a high fond for the pretty she-cat. No, Leafberry truly is beautiful, Ratstar corrected himself.
Leafberry was the only cat out of the whole clan who could look at Ratstar like he was just a cat. Everyone else looked at him like he was a leader. It was nice, seeing her here alone.
Her head was tuned up, looking directly at him. A smile was pasted on her muzzle. Warmth spread into gray irises. Ratstar had to swallow at the sight. He blinked again.
“What are you thinking about?” Leafberry asked as she would ask any cat.
Ratstar pushed away his private thoughts and opened his mouth to speak. “Just what I am going to do with the clan. Making up warrior names for seven apprentices.” He lied smoothly, even concluded with a fake smile.
Leafberry did not catch any of that. She only added with another silly grin, “Winterpaw would like to be called Winterstorm. Though if I were you, I would call him Winterdung. He could be evil sometimes.”
Ratstar had to laugh. He never had this chat with Leafberry before. She was busier than ever, training with her apprentice the whole greenleaf. It was a surprise, learning what kind of her sense of humor was. “That would be a nice name. Winterdung, ShadowClan welcomes you as a full warrior.”
Leafberry chuckled heartily. “That would make my day.”
Ratstar flashed a real smile. He remembered what Shyrose said moons before, to Leafberry about her being able to make him smile when no one else could. The leader rose to paws and jumped down.
By accident, he almost fell into Leafberry. They were touching noses. Leafberry was about to move back, but Ratstar leaned forward. They froze and stared at each other’s eyes.
Ratstar had to compliment on the gray eyes. They were the mark of her beauty. Though, he felt nothing for her. Only startled. Until he stared into her eyes than a second, he thought he saw something.
Bright blue eyes stared back into him. They reminded him of the river in RiverClan. Fragility was there, but strength was built in as well. No one had the eyes as his lost mate as he moved back. He looked down at the ground.
Leafberry did not look away. She was breathing heavily. Ratstar did not say anything, but Leafberry did. “I better check on Winterpaw now, Ratstar.”
She bowed as she left. Her scent was left behind. The scent was full of pine cones and a faint taint of evergreen needles. They perfumed the clearing, but Ratstar’s eyes widened.
Leafberry’s scent was exactly the same as Goldensnow’s scent. What was this?
~*~*~
All seven young warriors were sitting up straightly. Their heads were held high in pride in the sight of the silver moon. Leafberry left Winterstorm’s side as she joined other warriors that used to be the seven warriors’ mentors. All former mentors were proud as well because of what they had created for ShadowClan.
It was the night before the leafbare would arrive. No cloud formed in front of the moon. The whole clan joined in the celebration, until they went back to their dens, sleeping soundly. Seven warriors stood in front of the entrance. They were required to remain silent and keep their eyes open the whole night as countless newly made warriors did before seasons and seasons upon then.
Ratstar was about to go back to his den until Bearnose stopped him. Silvernight was following Bearnose behind. They both looked anxious. Ratstar asked the senior medicine cat, “What’s the matter? Is it Ironeye?”
Ironeye was the warrior that fell ill mysteriously just a few weeks ago. He still did not recover and was required to move in the medicine cat den to receive medicine cats’ full attentions at all times. Blueberry, Ironeye’s newest mate, would always come to visit and keep him company.
To make things worse, Blueberry was Dragontail’s only sister. The whole clan was nervous with Dragontail’s reaction, but Dragontail only scoffed at the newfound fact and told everyone that Blueberry would find out the truth for herself.
Blueberry was expecting kits now. Ironeye was proud of her.
Ratstar had no complaints for the solid gray tom. He served his clan well, giving the clan three strong warriors and a wise medicine cat. Though, Ratstar did not like his philosophy of living, Ratstar was concerned for Ironeye’s health. Bearnose shook his head sadly, “He is dying.”
Silvernight frowned miserably. The young solid gray tom was grieving because Ironeye was his father. Ratstar saw that the young medicine cat had done everything to the best of his ability to heal his father, but nothing worked.
The leader’s heart ached for him. Losing a parent was the worst, for some. Ratstar remembered the fateful night he lost his father, Adderstrike. Goldensnow was by his side, rubbing his side, trying to comfort him. Goldensnow was close to Adderstrike as well. Ratstar shook the memory away.
“Bring me to him,” Ratstar ordered.
Bearnose nodded, “He asked for you.”
They all went to the medicine cat den. Ratstar entered as he heard Ironeye’s soft coughs. The proud warrior could not stay on his paws anymore. He was lying like a pile of limp. The bones on his body were visible. Ratstar ordered Blueberry to get out. Bearnose stopped Ratstar and told him, “Blueberry could be infected. She was with him all the time.”
Ratstar nodded once, “Keep her outside with Silvernight.”
Bearnose dipped his head and went outside with Silvernight and Blueberry.
Ratstar turned his head and heard Ironeye laughing dryly. “I never quit.” He coughed again. “This won’t stop me.” He scoffed, but it made him cough even more. “Those medicine cats, that son of mine, told me that I am dying, but I am not.”
The leader did not say anything. Ironeye kept talking, “When this is over, I will tell the whole clan that I made it. You watch me. Please forgive me for being coy, but it is me.”
“Don’t worry, Ironeye. They are wrong,” Ratstar lied, though he knew that Ironeye would never accept the truth. This was unfortunate, seeing a cat dying wanting to fight more and more, but it was worthless. There was nothing left.
It was one of the leader’s hardest duties, having to lie. Deceiving had never came to Ratstar naturally. Goldensnow even told him that he was a bad liar. Ratstar teased about it, but now it was more hard to keep up with lies.
As time passed, Ironeye coughed harder. He spat blood. “I am not going to quit.” Ironeye kept muttering the words again and again as he finally closed his eyes.
He opened his eyes once more as he let out a gasp. For once, Ratstar thought Ironeye had a change of heart. He squealed in pain as he told Ratstar, “Tell Dragontail that I am…” His eyes closed.
All of sudden, cold air appeared. They always show up when a dead cat was among the living. Ratstar wondered where they came from. Probably from StarClan. Maybe it was their way of showing that they had came for the cat.
As the cold air showed up, a word echoed the den, “Sorry.”
Blueberry came inside. Her body began to shake. Wailing sounds began to echo as well. Ratstar called after two medicine cats, “Take care of her. I have to tell the clan.”
This was one of the hardest jobs that a leader had to perform. He called for the whole clan’s attention. They were all sleeping, but their eyes were open once they heard Ratstar’s voice.
Sleepy, but aroused, cats yawned and blinked. Ratstar told them with a bitter note, “One of our warriors, Ironeye, had left ShadowClan to join StarClan tonight.”
Now the whole clan began to mutter. Whispers came to life across the dens. The elders looked toward the sky. “We will hold a vigil for Ironeye tonight. Seven warriors, you all are required to perform your warrior vigil while others will hold a vigil for Ironeye. For me, I have to retreat to my den for the rest of the night. Do not disturb me. If you need assistance or any questions, please ask Icesnake. He is taking charge tonight.”
Ratstar finished as he retired to his den. He heard pawsteps behind him. He thought it would be Icesnake, but it was Leafberry. Gray eyes were troubled. Ratstar asked her, “What’s wrong?”
She anxiously glanced at the medicine cat den. Pitiful sounds wailed overhead. It came from Blueberry. Leafberry swallowed, “It is better if Ironeye’s body to be buried in the forest right now. Blueberry is required to stay inside the medicine cat den. Silvernight needs to stay out.”
Ratstar’s eyes narrowed. “What are you talking about?”
Leafberry’s eyes widened. “Ironeye died of a lethal disease. It is highly contagious. Blueberry and Bearnose are infected with the disease.”
“What disease?”
“Don’t you know?”
“Know what?” Ratstar hissed lightly. He was getting frustrated.
“Blackcough.”
Ratstar’s eyes widened. Blackcough was a disease that all medicine cats would forbid themselves to speak of. For if they utter the name, they would fear of being jinxed. Blackcough was the most deadly disease that could wipe the whole clan out in a single season if it wished. “Are you sure, Leafberry?”
Leafberry panted lightly as she nodded. Gray eyes were certain. The leader trusted her with his heart. “Okay, then. May StarClan bless your soul.”
He pushed by Leafberry to reach the medicine cat den. But it was too late. Four cats were in the den. He yowled so loud that all cats heard him. Silvernight came out, rushing toward him. “What’s wrong?”
“Get them out!”
“What?”
Ratstar kept his feelings down. “Get the cats out. Only keep Blueberry, Ironeye, and Bearnose inside. They are not to be near any cat. They are infected with blackcough.”
“Blackcough?!” Silvernight’s eyes widened. “I knew it. I was right all along! Bearnose did not believe me, but I was right. StarClan, help me.”
His eyes widened, “But they are already inside. They must stay inside.” Silvernight told Ratstar, “Get two warriors to guard the den. I can’t risk any more cats inside.”
Ratstar nodded as he called after Icesnake. “Icesnake, get two warriors and guard the den! Let no one inside!”
“Who will take care of them?” Silvernight’s eyes were alarmed. Ratstar did not know. He could not let anyone risking their lives taking care of those cats. He called after Leafberry. Leafberry trotted after Ratstar’s side and said, “Yes, I am here.”
Ratstar asked her, “Who will take care of those cats? I can’t risk anyone.”
Leafberry said suddenly, “I will do it.”
“You?” Ratstar’s eyes were full of shock.
~*~*~
Leafberry was not kidding. She took care of all cats inside the medicine cat den for two moons. Leafberry’s prediction was correct. All cats got ill. They had no choice, but to wait for their deaths.
Bearnose complained one day, “Oh, this feels horrible.”
Ratstar kept his clan away from the troubled den. Soon, today, it was a terrible day. Sounds inside the medicine cat den died down. Silence thrived. Leafberry stopped going inside.
Ratstar came to her and asked, “What happened?”
Leafberry stared at his eyes and simply stated, “They all passed away.”
Silvernight was sleeping with other warriors inside the warriors’ den. He was troubled and agitated that he could not help his dying clan mates. Ratstar told his clan the tragic loss.
Icesnake was sharing tongues with Shyrose. They were devastated because their two kits were the part of the medicine cat incident. Everyone was mourning, but suspicions began to grow as they noticed Leafberry’s unfailing health.
A warrior, Winterstorm, cursed Leafberry. He called his former mentor a witch. Soon, everyone treated her cruelly. Ratstar told his clan to quit picking on her. Blackcough did not spread again. It was as if nothing happened. Soon, as the leafbare was over, Leafberry let Ratstar know that it was safe to dispose of the bodies.
Ratstar ordered Winterstorm and Icesnake to help the elders to get rid of the bodies. The whole clan joined in this vigil. After the vigil, Ratstar saw Dragontail staying behind in the forest. Her eyes were lying on the grave of Ironeye.
Ratstar left Leafberry’s side as he joined Dragontail. Tears did not form out of her eyes. Dark brown eyes were dry as if she showed no emotion. She did not look at the leader, but whispered, “I hated Ironeye. I never wanted him as my mate. But I took him anyway.”
Ratstar did not say a word, but told her instead, “Before he died, he told me to tell you that he was sorry.”
Dragontail looked up at Ratstar at last and said, “I know. Thank you.”
Ratstar was puzzled at her mystery, but did not discuss it any further. He left her behind in respect. As he found Leafberry, Leafberry smiled softly, “Is she okay?”
“Yeah,” Ratstar murmured.
“May we go out? To that tree we hung out before?”
Ratstar nodded, “We may.”
~*~*~
Ratstar was standing on his four paws as Leafberry sat straight with her tail wrapped around her tiny paws. Gray spots looked lovely on her dappled white coat. She glanced up at the dew on the pine branch. “Newleaf is coming.”
Ratstar nodded, “Yeah. It is the way it is.”
Leafberry smiled. “It is a year since I first joined.” Her ears twitched happily. Flashing a smile at Ratstar, she asked him gently, “Do you remember the confession I tried to tell you, but it is not important?”
Ratstar nodded, “Yes, I remember.”
Leafberry closed her eyes. “You would not forget a lot of things. Do you?”
Ratstar shook his head, “No, but I wish.”
“If you did, then you would not be who you are.”
Ratstar smiled genuinely at Leafberry’s unspoken wisdom. “You spoke as if you lived a full lifetime before.”
She chuckled, “But I am only young.”
He shook his head, “You are very smart.”
“Thank you,” Leafberry smiled. This time, she looked up at the sky. Her head was lifting higher. Ratstar looked up and down, not knowing what was about to happen. He narrowed an eye, “What’s going on?”
The sun began to shine brightly. One of its rays showered on her body. Gray eyes began to glow. Stars twinkled, sparkling as they danced their way around her spotted fur.
Ratstar gasped. He whispered, “You are a StarClan cat.”
Leafberry laughed heartily. It was a sound that no living cat would make. Such a sweet sound, Ratstar had to smile. It was sweet as a fading song. “I have always loved you, Ratstar,” Leafberry whispered with a bittersweet note.
Her head moved down, away from the sun’s blazing lights. This time, gray eyes were not there. Bright blue eyes soared. Fragility and strength blended each other, as if they were showing Ratstar the soul deep within.
Goldensnow would always take Ratstar down and lie next to him, whispering into his ear that looking into a creature’s eyes is like looking at the window of the soul.
Gray spots and the dappled white fur transformed into dark golden hues. White patch over the right eye was shown. Ratstar stood there, gaped and mouth hanging wide. He whispered with a heartfelt feeling, “Leafberry?”
Leafberry’s voice came from the transformed cat, “It is me, Ratstar.”
Before Ratstar could speak, the sun’s light vanished. Leafberry was back to normal. Ratstar blinked as he gasped, “It is you, Leafberry. You are Goldensnow.”
“It is not important,” Leafberry-Goldensnow purred. Though, the purr caught Ratstar’s broken heart. His heart heard the soft sound and came to life. His ears twitched as he whispered, “It is you the whole time!”
Goldensnow smiled. And nodded.
Ratstar felt strange looking at the stranger, but his beloved was this stranger. Sighing, he looked at her harder and found the blue eyes inside the gray eyes. Though he looked away. “What are you doing here?”
Goldensnow explained, “I was not supposed to die. My death was an accident.”
His heart ached. “Don’t remind me.”
Goldensnow moved toward him. Ratstar let himself embracing her. Ratstar felt wrong, wrapping himself around the stranger’s body. The body felt wrong. It was too thin and lithe. It was not Goldensnow’s body.
“You are not the same,” Ratstar meowed.
“I know. But I am still here. My spirit.”
Ratstar shook his head sadly. “I missed you.”
Goldensnow moved back as she flashed a sad smile. “I have to go. It is my time to leave.”
“What? No.”
“I saved your clan. I saved you.”
His heart tightened. He told her, “I can’t live without you.”
She smiled, “You actually did. For a whole one year without me.”
“But you were Leafberry!”
She chuckled lightly, “Yes, but you did not know. You lived. And you can live. Live for me. Be the strong cat I fell love with.”
Ratstar dropped his head. “Okay, I will live for you. I will be the best leader as they could have.”
“Thank you.” Then she added, “You will live for a long time. You will find another she-cat.”
“No.” He shook his head. “No.”
She smiled sadly, “Why not? This is your life and you only get to live it once.”
He frowned, “I love you. Why should I find another one? I only want you.”
She leaned against his chest as she sighed. “As you wish, Ratstar.”
She moved back as she flicked her tail. Leafberry’s tail. Gray eyes darkened as the stranger’s mouth moved to form the words, “I love you too.” Goldensnow turned and began to walk in the opposite direction. As she got farther and farther away, she was gone.
~*~*~
Seasons passed. Many cats like Icesnake were gone. Seven warriors that he grew up during his leadership were senior warriors, almost ready to join the elders’ den. Ratstar led his clan through all kinds of hardships, never quitting living.
Silvernight was with Ratstar near Ratstar’s den. Silvernight grew into an old cat like Bearnose. White hair was all over his muzzle. Ratstar knew that he had more white hairs than Silvernight. He already checked that in a clear puddle a few days before.
Ratstar even got questions from younger apprentices that he would retire soon, but he told them no. He was born to lead. And he knew that he would die leading.
The ShadowClan leader witnessed cats knowing exactly when it was their time to depart Earth behind and join StarClan.
Silvernight carried a bundle of herbs for Ratstar, but Ratstar declined. “No, thank you.”
Silvernight was worried. “Ratstar? You have to take those.”
Ratstar knew that he was living his last life. Ninth life, it was his own life he was living as any normal warrior. Even he was too old to hunt and fight anymore.
“I will take them with me. First, I need to sleep.”
Silvernight dipped his head without a word as he left the leader alone.
Ratstar limped inside his den. Slowly and painfully, he settled down. His legs were betraying him badly. Wincing in pain, he looked at the herbs. They would help his legs’ pain numb if he would take them, but he was content that the herbs would never heal his yearning for the cat he loved for seasons and seasons.
He never found another she-cat to fall in love with. Though many she-cats would love to share their lives with him. They tried to tempt him to get them, but he never did.
Closing his eyes, he found himself walking down a smooth trial of broken brambles. It was the same forest he hunted for seasons. Though, he felt the pain inside his legs. Panting for the air, he walked down the path.
It got easier. The limps stopped. The pain inside his legs was gone. Again, he felt the youth energy that he once felt as he became a newly made warrior, long ago.
He paused at the edge of a lone river. It was a narrow river. He paused as he glanced in the water. What he saw made him gasp. He was his young self again. No more cloudy eyes. No more white hair on his muzzle. No more crippled back. No more crooked teeth.
Proud, gleaming yellow eyes stared back in the water. Dark brown tabby stripes looked glossy. His muscles rippled with renewed strength. He let out a loud roar of ecstasy. Laughing louder, he knew that he missed being young as age took a toll on him.
Not only that, he was smiling broadly because he saw the most beautiful golden tabby with brightest blue eyes walking toward the river in front of him.
It was his time.
Finally.
~*~*~
...the end. This is the beloved tale of the golden spirit, in other words, my sister. I lived far longer than Goldensnow, by five seasons. She and I never got along, did you say? No, that is another rumor, kits. Don't your mothers ever teach you that rumors are not always right? My point is, Goldensnow and I lived in two different lifetimes. Her love for the leader is something that I would never understand, even in my old age. I had mates while I was a warrior, but I never fell in love. I always envied Goldensnow...what? Don't you know who I am? I am Violetleaf. Yes, I know that I only took a minor role in the tale. It is not my tale. It is theirs. And they have a right to have their voices being heard. Now, it is time for the old cat, me, to get some sleep.
What? Did you ask me how old I am? Let's say that I was there before the Fourtrees were born.
Good night, youngsters.
